


Falling

by Estel



Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Gen, POV First Person, Revenge, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-20 22:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1528430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estel/pseuds/Estel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Post-Winter Soldier: Widow Hunt; Pre-end of Secret Avengers Vol.2) Bucky contemplates a nagging feeling, losing Natasha, and revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

I have this feeling I’m falling.

Despite certain things my past, I’m not _afraid_ of falling. I love the sensation of the plunge. Jumping in. Rushing to get wherever I’m going. It’s a good feeling for me.

But this falling feeling is gnawing at me.

I can pinpoint exactly when it started. I can tell you the whys and the hows and probably even with some certainty the psychological reasoning why, but that doesn’t make it go away. I know she’s gone. At least for me.

I’ve had worse in my life. It just doesn’t feel like it these days, where I hit the same dead ends fighting empty fights against people with no answers. But there was a time I didn’t have the memories I have now. Of lazy mornings before the world blew up at 10. Of nights out in the world feeling normal for once. Just a guy and his gal. Those weren’t mine a few years ago.

I didn’t have allies or friends then. I didn’t have a name or anything to call my own.

That’s far worse.

The people who worry ask how I am. If I’m “hanging in there”. The truth is, I’m falling.

Back to old habits. Back to taking out the patella with a 9mm instead of a kick. Back to carrying .50 and .338 instead of a shield. Time for falling back to the shadows.

Back to being this man the world thought I was.

But if I fall, I’m taking my demons with me. The ones in red and gold. The ones in black. The ones I made.

They’re all coming with me.

**Author's Note:**

> I found this unfinished in my files and figured it was worth a post.


End file.
